Poker is still in limbo this week, FullPokerTiltStars.com (not ™) announcement will likely come over the weekend or early next week when the WSOP 2012 will also kick off. Fortunately a post in the forum reminded me of a forgotten project … The Top 10 Worst Poker Site Names List.

One of our members posted that they had won a $110 seat into the Money Rain Final at ComeOn Poker (congratualations kevathallam btw) which sparked 4kingpoker radios very own Villaridge to comment what a bad name ComeOn is for a poker site.

Top Ten Most Totally Stupidest Poker Room Names … Ever

This reminded me of many more truly awful site names and failed concepts and my unfinished project that is the top 10 worst poker site names list.

Readers should bear in mind that there are actually very few good poker room names, the more you think about most site names the worse they get.

Even worse than those brands that have succeeded despite or because of their duff name, lies a whole durth of staggeringly woeful names … That should never have got off the beer mat.

#1 StinkyFishPoker
#2 UranusPoker
#3 AdamEvePoker
#4 ApplePiePoker
#5 ChocolatePoker & BananaPoker
#6 ComeOutPoker
#7 Yachting-Poker
#8 Swank Poker
#9 Come On Poker
#10 PKR Poker

In reverse order of worst-est names & ideas for a poker room …

#10 PKR

In fairness PKR has become such a great success it probably shouldn’t make the top 10 but they are the only site to have succeeded despite choosing a not so great domain name.

The marketing idea in 2006 seemed to be that vowels were sooooooo last year hence the most innovative 3d poker site became PKR by dropping the “surplus” o and e from poker …

Genius ?

Not really, they made things a lot harder by omitting the word poker and as far as search engines could see were competing with the other “PKR” which is the abbreviation for the Pakistan rupee … Doh

Thank God they made such a good job of the 3d software, we have all been able to forgive them the rather clunky brand name. PKR has become one of the most successful independent poker sites online proving that with the right idea you can be forgiven a CRP choice of name.

#9 Come On Poker

Come-On ? Really, nobody in the office picked up on the possible confusion ? that maybe comeon.com domain might be better aimed at marketing to menstruating women ?

So the brand is principally targeting sports betting through its come-on site, I get it … “come on the reds / blues etc” but it’s still a really badly thought out brand name with obvious duel meaning that most everyone will think of and it’s not got that funny ha ha haven’t they been clever to it.

On the plus side the staff at Come-On (on Cake Network) are a great bunch of motivated and pleasant people so I’m sure they will make the brand a success despite the domains unfortunate connotations.

From here on in, the names get far far worse and the marketing departments must be hating those first brainstorming meetings everyday they come in to work.

#8 SwankPoker

Was the not so genius idea of combining p*rn and poker … sWanky

Yes they really seriously had a porn points program which culminated with the top points prize of starring in your own movie with cameras, crew, p*rnstars and everything. The concept was pretty simple combine two interest of young males into one site but ultimately flawed by the fact that you could find better sites fit for purpose separately.

#7 Yachting-Poker

Again this is clutching at straws in the niche marketing stakes. What exactly does this site do for the poker playing yacht fraternity that they cant get better from another site ? So they play poker and they have a yacht, whatever next YogaPoker ? Yep someone is covering poker playing yoga fans too. The site doesn’t even feature any kind of yachting theme, branding or boat related prizes. Seriously who is paying these people to come up with these ideas ?

#6 ComeOutPoker

“Heralded” as the first ever online poker room for the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered Community in 2006, only for comeout poker to disappear without trace. The original concept was pretty flawed because the gay community was more than happy to play it’s poker at good sites that didn’t discriminate one way or the other as to it’s customers lifestyle preferences … Poker players are just poker players.

#5 ChocolatePoker & BananaPoker

I’ve put these two together because clearly the same retards were in both brainstorming meetings – seriously you want to launch a skin on the Cake Poker Network and the best you can come up with is “lets have the name of something edible as our brand” … Dumb-asses.

#4 ApplePiePoker

Yet another food obsessed launch on cake but this one obviously has put in alot more “thought” into it … Poker is as American as apple pie yada yada.

But it gets worse (or better if you like food and gambling) it would seem apple pie poker is part of casino lunch … WTF ?

Whatever next ? ExpressoBet ? Well yes actually thats all part of the crazy offering that is a casino lunch.

#3 AdamEvePoker

Yet another 2012 late to the party skins launched on Cake / Revolution network only this time its not only their brand name that is laughably irrelevant to poker but their tagline too … “The Genesis of Poker”

Sigh

#2 UranusPoker

WTF … No double WTF

“UrAnus” come on people it’s the oldest post science lesson playground joke in history.

Ha Ha – Your Anus, No Your Anus

WTF has the 7 furthest planet from the sun got to do with poker … Nothing just nothing, even if there are space aliens who play poker, there are no known poker players on Uranus (there we go again). Thankfully UranusPoker is on Everleaf so no-one is likely to have heard of them or bother to go there.

#1 StinkyFishPoker

Yes you really did read that right … some total dumb ass actually thought of the name and didn’t think it was the worst most sucky dog dirt name ever, infact SuckyDogDirtPoker is only marginally worse but no-one actually launched it.

Not only did whoever was behind stinkyfishpoker get as far as buying the domain name, but actually set up the poker company, employing staff, spending $1000’s on marketing collateral AND taking it to market … Arghhhhhhhh who are these people ?

I feel sorry for some of the great staff who courageously stuck to the marketing plan and actually tried to get this off the ground. It has to have been the most difficult project to get behind and a poisoned chalice from the outset.

The Worst Names Also Rans List

It has to be said that you could just as easily look at pokerscout’s alphabetical list of poker rooms to find 101+ crap poker room names but here are some that nearly made our top 10 list that just shouldn’t have wasted the reg fee …

ReeferPoker (now FeltStars), GNUF, noIQ are all perfectly so so poker sites in themselves but just think how much better they could be doing if someone had said hang-on a minute …

Do you really think targeting a bunch of stoners, people who’ve had GNUF (enough) or who are thick as a plank is such a sweet plan ?

There is (and has been) Dracula Poker, CCTV Poker, sexpoker, IronDuke, diabolikpoker, goldflop, landshark, yoga poker, poker billy, pamelapoker, CupidoPoker.com and sadly the list could go on.

We all live in hope that one day the stupid money will run out and investors will finally stop trying to come up with “clever” poker room ideas and names and just stick all their money in with 72 off … at least with 72 off they might have two live cards.